Protection order

My son separated from his wife at the beginning of this year, they have 3 children. Initially it was amicable until it wasn’t. The upshot was she had a Protection Order served on him, it was granted under urgency because he had a shotgun and a 2 gauge rifle. He had owned these for about 10 years. In all that time she had no cause to think he would use them on her, he was not emotionally, verbally or physically abusive towards her at all. The children would be dropped off and picked up from his place by her when she had to work, in fact the morning it was served she collected the kids and had no contact with him at all. The night he was served he spoke to me and I told him we would get it sorted and everything would be okay. The next morning we were told he was found dead in his bed. He had suffered depression on and off throughout their marriage and I believe these orders pushed him over the edge. This all happened 8 weeks ago so as you can imagine it is still pretty raw.

From what I understand women can lie through their teeth and nothing happens to them.

I get that some women need to be protected however do believe that a better system needs to be in place. Any adverse effect such as a suicide following the serving of these orders should be investigated and if no basis for the order is found the applicant should face consequences.



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Perjury in the family court needs to be examined and ruled upon by judges and yes consequences put in place sooner rather than later


So heartbreaking and yes I agree with everything you say.
There has got to be a better way…
I don’t understand how a person can lie and the other party is guilty without being able to respond.
I so hope you get to see your grandchildren xx


This is terrible to hear and only goes to show the continued destruction that the Family Court continues to inflict on the men and children of NZ. I hope that woman suffers guilt for the rest of her life knowing she led her children’s father to his death with her games.


This is such a tragedy but sadly not a new one to our very broken system. I think though your comments regarding “Men and children” is a little extreme. Women are also affected too.


Yes, you are correct they are. There are also secondary victims of the Family Court, such as grandparents, new partners etc. In the context of this case and in most others it is the man and children, but yes it does happen the other way around too.


So wrong. Mothers and children are mainly affected in FC. Most are dealing with entitled, abusive, controlling, privileged and angry men who think it is their god given right to abuse and control mother/children at any cost! No matter how wrong they are, or illegal it is – the FC supports that abuse.


I couldn’t of said it better myself.


He has three months to disagree on this order so best he does or it sticks, have done one of these and those that RECIEVE them are also told of the three month dispute time as it’s classed as temporary

just a dude

Yes women get all the breaks, for sure. I realise they work damned hard with kids, home, everyday life, but when push comes to shove, they get ALL the rights. A fathers love is just as deep as a mothers love, yet it is fact women can simply use their mouths to absolutely destroy a mans existence, by removing his rights to see the children he loves so much. New Zealand has such outdated and unfair laws which are all geared toward helping the mother.The laws need to change, fathers need to be respected more. The standard NZ mum can be a liar, yet still have all the wins.


Agree and it takes way too long to sort through all the allegations and the toll on everyone is horrendous.
children need both parents in their lives and they are loved dearly by both as you say.
Our son was fortunate to have some very experienced people working on his complex case but finally after way too many years, he ended up with day to day care because of the untrue allegations.
It doesn’t have to be like that.


And Granny isn’t biased of course


No breaks for women “dude”. Fathers need to earn respect and stop undermining the vast commitment and workload that is motherhood and parenting. Women have it tough in FC system too it’s a fact.


I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I too very nearly ended the same way after being served a without notice PO. It’s overwhelming. A huge wad of paper including the applicant’s affidavit designed to paint you as the most dangerous person on the planet.

How a piece of paper (the PO) is supposed to protect someone is beyond me. If a person is as dangerous as they are made out to be, nothing will stop them from causing harm.

While the court errs on the side of caution, there are no repercussions from a defended hearing where allegations are shown to be false. Even then, the court will blur the judgement in order to protect the applicant.

With the tragic death of your son, that is the unspoken and hidden side of the family court coin. Over several years suicides have been linked to the family court processes:

Sadly, reforms have been permanently stuck in a ‘review’ phase.

My condolences to you and those who loved your son. I wish you every bit of support as you navigate this terrible time.


Hey Anonymous, sorry for your loss. We appreciate your courage and ability to talk about it. Sadly, this issue is very common in the Family Court. Feel free to send us email to .


The mother/women bashing in the comments and articles on this website reduces the credibility of the NZ Family Court Watchdog and it’s goals to shine a light on the injustices against all individuals and whanau involved in Family Court. I’m disappointed to read the hateful mysogynistic comments and stories which serve no one. I see a lot of blaming on this site and no solutions just offloading and people wanting to infect other people with hate. I hope you stay on course and your intentions remain honorable NZ Family Watchdog.


Antiquarian – You seem to have no appreciation of just how gender biased the NZ family court system is. A lot of men are frustrated that despite the requirement for equality under the human rights ACT there is a significant gender bias towards women in the family court.


he has three months to disagree with order if he dosent then order stays so best he get onto it


Please. I have had this happen to my daughter but she was murdered and also her father. They said it was suicide but that was a lie. They will use people mental states against them. Please heed my advice. Check the pathology report or get someone you trust to. My daughter was electrocuted in her car by a weapon they have kept secret. There is evil going on in our court and law system.


this is such a heart breaking story, And its something that could have so easily happened to my family. I feared I would lose my son over false allegations, without notice protection orders etc, My condolences to you and your family, I hope in time things change so no one else has to suffer the same loss


My story is similar this happened to me and I was suicidal for months on protection order it destroys you and your children, My x wife had the power now and tried breaching me 31 times even when we were at court house, lost my children for years lost my business of 20 years as did the staff .It took 2.5 years to fight in court to get order taken down and defend 4 very light breaches and tens of thousands of dollars ,it left me totally devastated and lost everything.To this day I’m still fighting x wife for a 50/50 split on our remaining properties and now having her barrister trying to screw me over for compensation for her breaching me for texting kids I love them and miss them text and facing a year in jail for that and never ever had a criminal conviction, the protection order used as a tool is very destructive

Last edited 3 days ago by Mish

Surely the kids are old enough for a variation? Sad to see this


So many men commit suicide due to these sorts of things. I’m so sorry this happened to your son. Is it legal to ask for that order against your son and see what grounds she was granted it? Owning weapons seems far fetched. As a parent, I would ask police for information held by them.
If they have nothing, I would sue her for defamation.


We are in new zealand, sadely youll just get laughed at even mentioning defamation. Unless you have money to wave around. But im sure most parents spend it on fighting for their children. Everything all these fathers have had done to them. Happens to mothers too. Heartbreakingly I am one of them. Doesnt matter what gender you are if your making aplications in the family court your on top. And that gives you the ability to lie and even if allergations are proven to be false it wont be recognised, youll still be the bad guy because your not the one that made the aplications first. And if it hasnt already happend a protection order will be taken out on you as a tool, a weapon. Itll be granted even with absolutely no evidance to back any of whats said in the aplication to get the protection order. And your left seemingly unsafe for even longer. Allegations with no evidence at all is such a breach to our human rights and so so traumatising for the children. The problem in the beginning is that applications get granted lacking credibility and our children pay the ultimate price of the vindictive parent… Read more »

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